Want the cold hard truth?
Our time is short…
After what I have gone through, most would think its a cynical statement. Let me be the first to tell you, its not. Its the furthest thing from actually. You don’t know when you could be waking up for the last time. Even though that might be scary to think about, its the honest truth. I’m glad that I have realized this, I have taken life for granted for so long, and I am done. The greatest feeling in the world is being able to wake up every day and thank god for just being alive, let alone granting me a life with everything I have in it. I am truly blessed, and as ashamed as I am to admit it, I have just recently figured this out.
Maybe its the fact I have been snowed in with nothing to do but think and watch baby and marriage shows, or maybe I am really growing up, I don’t know. Whatever it is, I just woke up one day and realized I need to start living life and taking chances, and I’m going to. Last time I did not listen to my heart, Tyler was gone before I could tell him how I really felt. I’m not going to take that chance this time. I’m done being afraid of falling in love, I’m done guarding my heart. Nothing scares me more than that statement right there but what do I really have to loose? I have nothing, nothing could bring me more hurt than I have already felt, nothing could push me off the edge further than I have already been. I’m just going to jump and prey to god that Kegan will be there to catch me. The good thing about this? I’m pretty sure he will be. No…I know he will be there. No doubt in my mind at all.
Moving away and being out on my own has really given me a new perspective on life. I like being independent and accomplishing things on my own. I enjoy doing laundry and cleaning our room. I feel like I can do anything I put my mind to now. After passing my first quarter with no problems, I just feel accomplished, like growing up and becoming an adult wont be as hard as I thought it was going to be. I’m ready for it.Coming home for Christmas has been a big eye opener. Shelton is no longer my home, it is my home town that I come to visit on Holidays, I am destined for better and bigger things. While I am on this journey, I have the BEST friends I could ever ask for to help me along the way. The girls that I have met this year are amazing and totally irreplaceable. I am so lucky to have them. They are the most amazing woman I have ever met in my life. As sad as it is to me that I have lost every single best friend that I have grown up with, I know that the ones I have now will last me a life time, and I’m OK with that:)
Despite my messed up family, I am in a pretty good place right now, and messed up they may be, but I love them and would not wish for anyone else but them. My dads an alcoholic and sure my Uncle and my Grandpa have both passed this year and Christmas will not be the same, sure my uncle is a new found meth addict that is slowly destroying my mom and our family and my aunt is going crazy from post tramatic stress disorder, and my cousin is now in jail. It will be OK. I’m lucky to have a family that loves each other, I’m lucky to have a family at all. Im lucky to have the most amazing parents ever.
Bring it on world.
I’m ready to grow up, I’m honestly ready for this.
