Lets give it another go;
It feels so weird to be in a relationship again, weird to be taken on dates again. It’s been so long since I have been in an actual normal relationship that I almost don’t know what to do with myself now that I’m in one again. I could not be one bit happier, but to be honest I’m horrified. Completely horrified. I’m afraid to fall in love again or to put my whole heart into something. Every time I do I seem to get let down or devastated, so why will this time be different. The answer? It just feels different. Maybe its because I’m older, maybe it’s because the last time I was in love I literally had him ripped away from me, I don’t know. Whatever it is it just feels different. Despite this gut feeling, I still don’t want to give in for some reason. I’m lucky though and I know it. This kid seems to good to be real, in a few weeks he has treated me better than most boys I have ever been with ever did. Its insane. What’s even more insane though is the thought that at this age, he could be the last person I ever date. No I’m not saying I’m in love with him and want to get married but any thing is possible now, I know many people my age who are engaged or married, and that scares me. I have always been scared of commitment and of giving myself to someone completely. Whatever is down the road I am happy. I did not realize how long I had been so un happy until I became happy again.
All though I’m happy its hard being with someone now, after losing Tyler. I know he would never want me to be sad still but Its hard thinking about maybe falling in love now. I really loved him with all of my heart, and I still do, I always will. I don’t know if I can handle falling in love again but I guess that what is going to happen will, I just need to give it time.
